Yeah, I could care less about Twilight, but then there is this…

And this…

And then this…

And most importantly this…

Yes, I know he’s young. To that I say I couldn’t have birthed him and do you see the kids abs? And don’t get me started on his arms. I think another installment of that wretched film will be theaters soon.

http://www.horrorfatale.com/

I honestly tried my best to release the inner romantic in me and like this movie, but I could not, sorry girls. Twilight: New Moon tells the lovelorn story of Bella and Tickle Me Elmo vampire Edward and a hot barely legal kid werewolf Jacob. It is the second in this series, this time out the story takes place shortly after the first film ended. Bella and Elmoward are having a relationship. And I guess everything is all peachy, but some redheaded vampire bitch is after Bella for being whiney and boring, I’m sure for the events that took place in the first film. Edward decides to leave his beloved for her safety and not tell her where he’s going. This sends Bella into some sort of heartachey nightmare producing state that I didn’t understand. Seriously, what now? Edward left now she’s catatonic and has night terrors?

So I feel asleep about an hour in, so the details are fuzzy for me at best. What I did retain is Edward is all dark and angst-y and Bella is crazy Glen Close obsessed with him. They need to just have some sex already, I might have become mildly interested. While Edward is missing in action, Bella bonds with bangin’ body Jacob. Frankly, I have no earthly idea what the hell Jacob was saying nor did I care, I just wanted him shirtless as much as possible. Anyway, we find out Jacob is a werewolf and he too has fallen in love with Bella. Bottom line, she chooses Edward.

Now, can I say I was remotely entertained by this movie? No, because I wasn’t, the whole thing had the feel of something that should have been on Lifetime. The special effects were cheap and just comical, sorry. I don’t get what’s hot about Robert Pattinson. His brows are just out of control. Pattinson looks like Abe Vigoda (look him up, you’ll agree). Kristen Stewart is just awful, she’s stiff and could really stand to take an acting class or two. She always manages to have the same pained expression on her face no matter the movie. Taylor Lautner, I don’t know I think he delivered the lines as written, no more no less.

Overall, I am apparently missing the extra hormone that makes all the other girls sequel in glee at this movie. I was squealing though in agony because the damn thing was over two hours long. Don’t see it!

http://www.horrorfatale.com/

The only reason I even know that Twilight exists is for this reason. So join me in celebrating the fact it is no longer illegal to stare at this kid’s abs. Happy Birthday, Taylor! We enjoy you!

http://www.horrorfatale.com/

I still have no interest or intention on watching this mess, but I like leering at this kid. It’s bad, call Dateline; it’s time for a Chris Henson intervention. Maybe I could pull a Paul Walker. Look it up, that’s all I’m saying.

http://www.horrorfatale.com/

Uh, he’s 17, keep that in mind ladies. Anyone know when he turns 18? Because I keep having these Mrs. Robinson moments, so don’t look at this clip or the pic in this post. Seriously, look hard at his abs ignore it.

http://www.horrorfatale.com/

Eric the hot walked away with best villain at Sunday’s Scream 2009 awards on the Spike channel. Unfortunately, for us he kept his clothes on the whole night, but he won nevertheless. Here is a list of the other winners:
• Most Anticipated Fantasy Film – Alice in Wonderland
• Best Sci-Fi Actress – Megan Fox — Transformers 2
• Break-out Performance Female – Isabelle Lucas — Transformers 2
• Best Villain – Alexander Skarsgård — True Blood
• Break-out Performance Male – Taylor Lautner – Twilight
• Best Comic Book Writer – Jeff Jones
• Best Comic Book Movie – Watchmen
• Rock Immortal Award – Keith Richards
• Best Horror Movie – Drag Me to Hell
• Best Horror Actor Male – Stephen Moyer – True Blood
• Best Horror Actor Female – Anna Paquin – True Blood
• Scream Mastermind Lifetime Achievement Award – George A. Romero
• Best Director – JJ Abrams – Star Trek
• Best TV Show – True Blood
• Best Fantasy Movie – Twilight
• Comic-Con Icon Lifetime Achievement Award – Stan Lee
• Ultimate Scream – Star Trek

http://www.horrorfatale.com/

Ok, so I’m the one person with ovaries who didn’t get all giddy for that Twilight mess. You know I think Robert Pattinson looks like a Tickle Me Elmo doll and Kristen Stewart has the personality of a cotton ball. But, I’m thinking I will have to give this second movie a gander because Jailbait Taylor Lautner ain’t bad on the eyes. Wait, seriously how old is he? Anyway, here’s the preview to the trailer. Enjoy!

http://www.horrorfatale.com/

Now, again these movies do absolutely nothing for me. But, about that Jacob kid. Why isn’t he the one working the girls into a tizzy; he is so much hotter than Tickle me Elmo Pattinson. I don’t get it. Now as I return from my Mrs. Robinson moment, enjoy!

http://www.horrorfatale.com/