I honestly tried my best to release the inner romantic in me and like this movie, but I could not, sorry girls. Twilight: New Moon tells the lovelorn story of Bella and Tickle Me Elmo vampire Edward and a hot barely legal kid werewolf Jacob. It is the second in this series, this time out the story takes place shortly after the first film ended. Bella and Elmoward are having a relationship. And I guess everything is all peachy, but some redheaded vampire bitch is after Bella for being whiney and boring, I’m sure for the events that took place in the first film. Edward decides to leave his beloved for her safety and not tell her where he’s going. This sends Bella into some sort of heartachey nightmare producing state that I didn’t understand. Seriously, what now? Edward left now she’s catatonic and has night terrors?

So I feel asleep about an hour in, so the details are fuzzy for me at best. What I did retain is Edward is all dark and angst-y and Bella is crazy Glen Close obsessed with him. They need to just have some sex already, I might have become mildly interested. While Edward is missing in action, Bella bonds with bangin’ body Jacob. Frankly, I have no earthly idea what the hell Jacob was saying nor did I care, I just wanted him shirtless as much as possible. Anyway, we find out Jacob is a werewolf and he too has fallen in love with Bella. Bottom line, she chooses Edward.

Now, can I say I was remotely entertained by this movie? No, because I wasn’t, the whole thing had the feel of something that should have been on Lifetime. The special effects were cheap and just comical, sorry. I don’t get what’s hot about Robert Pattinson. His brows are just out of control. Pattinson looks like Abe Vigoda (look him up, you’ll agree). Kristen Stewart is just awful, she’s stiff and could really stand to take an acting class or two. She always manages to have the same pained expression on her face no matter the movie. Taylor Lautner, I don’t know I think he delivered the lines as written, no more no less.

Overall, I am apparently missing the extra hormone that makes all the other girls sequel in glee at this movie. I was squealing though in agony because the damn thing was over two hours long. Don’t see it!

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I still have no interest or intention on watching this mess, but I like leering at this kid. It’s bad, call Dateline; it’s time for a Chris Henson intervention. Maybe I could pull a Paul Walker. Look it up, that’s all I’m saying.

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The zombies are aiming to take back the bite from vampires. Forget about Tickle Me Elmo Robert Pattinson and his Twilight gang, Woody Harrelson and the brother of the Pepsi girl have breathed new life into the walking dead with the success of Zombieland. Ok, I’ll stop the punning.

On October 13th at 10:00 p.m., the Starz Network will bring us Starz Inside: Zombiemania . Starz Inside: Zombiemania is a fun look at the Zombie craze around the world. Featuring clips from a vast library of Zombie films and Zombie experts, including the “grandfather of Zombie films” George A. Romero and best-selling author Max Brooks. The documentary traces the evolution of the Zombie from its roots in African folklore and Haitian Voodoo to its current role as pop culture icon.

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Ok, so I’m the one person with ovaries who didn’t get all giddy for that Twilight mess. You know I think Robert Pattinson looks like a Tickle Me Elmo doll and Kristen Stewart has the personality of a cotton ball. But, I’m thinking I will have to give this second movie a gander because Jailbait Taylor Lautner ain’t bad on the eyes. Wait, seriously how old is he? Anyway, here’s the preview to the trailer. Enjoy!

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Stephen Moyer, True Blood’s Bill Compton, called a certain angsty-teen vamp known as Edward Cullens, some funny names.

Twilight’s toothsome Robert Pattinson, Moyer simply says, “He’s a pussy! He’s the Slim-Fast, Diet Coke of vampires.”

I have to say I agree, I think that Pattinson kid looks like Tickle Me Elmo, but I know you girls love him, so for the following image, I’m sorry.

Source: June issue of Marie Claire magazine and TrueBlood.net

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Now, again these movies do absolutely nothing for me. But, about that Jacob kid. Why isn’t he the one working the girls into a tizzy; he is so much hotter than Tickle me Elmo Pattinson. I don’t get it. Now as I return from my Mrs. Robinson moment, enjoy!

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I’m the only girl in the world who didn’t and does not get all giddy about these movies. I guess my heart’s too frozen. Enjoy!

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You girls and dudes that are chomping at the bit for the next Twilight movies can stay calm, because the series will continue in a rather timely manner.

Summit Entertainment is set to release “New Moon” is due November 20 of this year. The third installment Eclipse,” will be released on June 30, 2010.

In case you were wondering, don’t worry Robert Pattinson’s hair will reprise it’s role in both!

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Apparently, I’m the only being on the planet with ovaries that isn’t all over the moon by these Twilight books. I guess my heart is just bitter and dead. I ‘m reading the first book and although I want to be apart of the phenomenon, it’s not going blowing my skirt up. I mean the book is alright, but the movie trailer looks like a drawn out Lifetime movie to me. Sorry, I really am. But, there’s good news there will be more movies.

The UTA- and 3 Arts Entertainment-repped Rosenberg, who also penned “Step Up” and is a writer/co-exec producer on Showtime’s “Dexter,” has said she was methodical in writing the scripts, choosing not to read future “Twilight” books so she could stay true to the evolution of the characters.

Thoughts, comments?

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