True Blood Season 3 Episode 9, Everything is Broken: The King Dude is Off His Meds — Let’s Discuss

This contains big time spoilers. If you haven’t watched the episode, I am advising you turn back now. Save yourself.**

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the news Kingy goes all sorts of nutter on your asses. First things first, the King returns to his mansion to scoop up his beloved Talbot off that Persian rug. It’s kind of fitting, isn’t it? We all know how much Talbot loved his furnishings. King is crazy and the lost of his beloved isn’t cool for anyone, especially when he realizes Eric not only offed Talbot, but took the Viking crown, I’m sure he put two and two together, which is going to equal some serious bad shit for Eric.

Is it me or is Sookie and Bill less annoying right now? How’d that happen, but they are having some serious hot sexy times. Nonetheless, Bill comes clean with Sooks about the file he has been keeping on her and her family, explaining that he was researching so he could figure out what she is to keep her safe. Of course, she bought that bullshit. Eric the Viking is screwed, he informs poor Pam of what he has done and of course, the vampire FBI (thanks Ginger) decides to make Eric explain everything going on his district. The officials put Eric/Fangtasia on lockdown.

Not much has been going on with LaLa, he is just in love and I love it. I’m usually jaded but, love looks good on him, so I’ll allow it. Speaking of love that I don’t approve of, there’s Jason and Deliveranceina. She of course is completely full of shit, much to Stupid Hot’s downfall, I’m afraid. Her cousin-fiancé showed up to rescue her from Jason. Of course, she lies about Jason to him and then proceeds to beat cousin-fiancé with a shotgun. You see Deliveranceina is annoying complicated. Is this storyline not coming together properly to anyone else but me? Seriously, I understand in the books Deliveranceina has purpose, but in this True Blood reality, they are taking too much time explaining her and her family’s storyline.

Oh, Little Puppy seriously? Terry calls Sam to complain about all the noise Little Puppy was keeping up while he was having sex company over. Sam leaves Tara (she was confiding in him about her adventures with Frankly Nuts) and goes over to find Little Puppy with some girl running around the house doing drugs and having the sex, loudly. Little Puppy is kind of on my nerves. Little Puppy needs a slap. Tara joins a support group for rape survivors, where Holly (the new waitress at Marlotte’s) is a member. Random? Or, is it? Speaking of random, Hadley calls Sookie and asks her to meet her at the aquarium. She wants Sookie to tell her if her son has the same ailment Sookie does (being a telepath), which of course he does. Hadley’s a canary too.

Arlene confides in Holly that she doesn’t want Rene’s baby because, “It’s pure evil.” Way to be dramatic there girl. Now off to Canary Land with Bill! That’s right, during his slumber Bill awoke in Canary Land, all dressed in white linen. What boys can’t be bedazzled? Ask Christian Audigier. Bill you were robbed! Anylame, Claudine immediately believes Bill has killed Sookie, because how else did he get a trip to Canary Land. She runs as fast as her little invisible wings (hint, hint) can carry her, where Bill tries to bite her. Not so fast, there vampire, Claudine has the same light bright ability as Sookie, so she sends Bill flying across Canary Land. Bill got owned!

There of course was some filler moments in the episode like Hoyt/Jessica and their little saga. Then there was LaLa/Tara and their little moment of family love. Now on to the good. First off who knew Sam was part batshit? I didn’t! Anyway, Deliveranceina’s daddy/uncle shows up at Marlotte’s and starts making trouble. Sam jumps on the crazy train with everyone else and beats the living shit out of daddy literally sending him to the hospital. Wow, who knew? Of course, Little Puppy couldn’t be prouder. Guess who pops up? Frankly Nuts!!!! He corners Tara and threatens to kill her, but Stupid Hot comes to her rescue! Re-earning his hot, Jason shots Frankly with a wooden bullet ending his ride on the crazy train! Farewell Franklin, you were great!

Bill finally confessed to Sookie what she is, although they didn’t tell us. The American Vampire League (Vampire FBI) informs Eric that they do not care how he resolves the King Krazy drama; they want no parts of it. The leader of the organization or whatever her name is tells Eric to find the king and bring her his fangs or she’ll have Eric’s. In what should go down as the best TV moment of 2010 King Russell earned his crown. Picture it, you sit down to watch the news and suddenly a mad man comes from nowhere and literally puts his hand through the news anchor’s back and pulls out his spine. Yes that shit happened. Russell is gone folks, no turning back, no amount of therapy will help! King Russell (as he must forever be called) takes the anchor dudes’ seat and gives this wonderful soliloquy of nutter rage, well almost a soliloquy about how absolutely scary and dangerous vampires are to us humans, while holding the anchor’s bloody spine in his hand! Brilliant! I loved every second.

Overall, this episode has made up for EVERYthing that has been getting on my nerves this season. I even forgive pink, purple and orange Canary Land. But, never Bill’s 1987 tracksuit wearing, something’s aren’t easily forgiven. It was a nonstop action filled episode, where just when you thought that was “the moment” of the episode something else would happen. For the first time ever, I would give it a 9.5/10, if I were rating it. Now, for the weather. Back to you Tiffany.

Thoughts, groans, moans, theories.